This little angel.

It's been the craziest week.
On the 13th August I got the first of 4 positive pregnancy tests, so we got very excited that it had happened so quickly. So I called the GP and got booked in to see him after a urine test which I dropped in on monday (17th August).

I wanted to move fast to ensure I had the correct care with my thyroid problems. So I called Wednesday for the urine result, which came back as inconclusive. This didn't make sense to me, so I asked to see the GP. Unfortunately an hour before seeing him I had the beginning of a bleed.

It's moved very fast since, but the out and out fact is I have, in fact, had an early miscarriage. There's nothing that could have been done, and it is NOT due to the thyroid trouble. It's just one of those things.

SO we're getting back on the wagon and trying again as soon as possible.

But for now, this is for the angel we weren't meant to meet.

Little Snowdrop

The world may never notice If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms, Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way For all eternity.
The little one we long for Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty, Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts Says that we love you.

Author Unknown

Update

It's been quiet because theres nothing much to report on. With exception of the fact that my period hasn't appeared, but I'm not reading much into that due to the other fact that neither has a positive test.

So, I've been trying not to think about it, and spending lots of rainy British summer days with DD.

We're going to the farm tomorrow, so I'll write a longer post then.

xx

Twiddling thumbs, picking at nails and still waiting

Here comes the final 2 weeks before that horrid red thing should appear, and my "official" two week wait.
The problem is, with my irregular cycles I have no idea when I'm supposed to be ovulating, or the exact flow date. But we've... erm... hugged a LOT so I hope we managed to get the dates even a little and that we're now on the home straight to a nice positive test.

Yes I know it probably won't happen on month one, but a girl can hope.

Until I get the 2 little lines, its just a case of munching my levothyroxine, and getting on with it.
But it's hard, because I'm sure my meds are low. I keep getting terrible cramp in my legs, which is causing the crushing backache. And its muscle cramps according to physio.
Luckily I also have around 2 week until my next blood test, so that may show the problem and have me on the ladder to recovery pretty quickly.

Other than that a few more (probably in my head) symptoms of preggerness have appeared. As I said, reading not a lot into these but I'm gonna keep track just in case.

So heres the list thus far...

• Headaches from the far reaches of hell
• Moodswings from the deepest depths
• Forgetfulness
  
• Super Emotional - come on... I cried cos the cat got fed twice...
• Sore nipples
• Cramping and twinging in my lower abdomen
• Very very very tired, near enough all of the time
• Lots of dry sneezing
• Amazing sense of smell... I can smell cat pee when it isn't there, and sweet yeast when I'm the other side of asda to the bakery
  
• Broke out with 6 zits on my chin today... I mean 6!! come onnnn. Plus I never get em chinwards!
  
• Cervical Mucus (discharge) is more than normal, but creamy... tmi I know but this is in the name of information.
  
• Peeing way too much... especially all of the time hmmph
• Forgetfulness - did I already say that?

And there are a few others that have escaped my cottage cheese brain.

So today is day 17 in the "please don't bleed" phase.... only 11 more until Red Flag or Aunty Flo's visit....
I hope she misses the damn train :p

Know/Hope

It's strange feeling my body reacting to us trying to conceive (ttc).
Within the past week since my period ended I have felt everything from sick to hyperactive. I've had aches and twinges (possibly down to ovulation) and my breasts are seemingly bigger, and definately more veiny.
I'm moody, tired and emotional one minute... and happy and active the next.

Now, I know full well it's too early for symptoms, so I know some of them are psychosomatic, brought on by the hope that we've caught that egg, but that knowledge doesn't stop the hoping. Nothing can stop it.

But where does hoping and knowing split? Where's the line between them?

If I look deep down, I know, about 80% positively, that we've managed it first time.
Part of this is because OH has 3 children, all conceived on the first try (or accident in some cases). I know this doesn't mean it will this time, but it seems coincidental.
Another reason is that I just feel... well... pregnant. I have since the day after our first "attempt". I feel whole, and I am confident we've moved in the right direction. But then the 20% is saying wait... and "maybe its just the knowledge that we're trying".
I don't know, and I guess during this two week wait, I won't at all.

We did a HPT this morning, which, as expected, was negative. This didn't dissapoint me, because we know its too early for the HCG to be high enough, but we couldn't resist trying just for the fun of it.
I'm due for another AF (aunt flo for those not TTC) around the 6th-10th. I've never been regular, but I know it's sometime that week I'm due. So I guess I'll do another test in around a week or two.

And if I'm wrong, and its more hope than know...

Well, I guess we'll have to try again, and a little harder this time *wink*.

The waiting game

Trying to conceive has to be one of the longest processes known to man, or more realistically, woman.
I've spent a lot of time this past couple of weeks working out ovulation, and trying to find ways of increasing our chances. Thyroid disease/problems can reduce fertility, so we decided not to take chances and do everything we can to help it along.
Therefore I've spent a large amount of time reading, and I've seen some stories that have really tugged at my heart, including some couples who have been trying for years to catch that conception train.
It's sad to read of so many women, left heartbroken when her monthly period arrives yet again. Whilst at the same time, others get pregnant whilst using contraception and trying not to.

It makes me realise how lucky we are to have DD, and how we should take our time, and not over stress this period. We need to take our time, and let it happen, and wait.

Waiting is a large part of conception. Waiting for some "quiet time", waiting for ovulation, waiting for symptoms such as a missed period, and then waiting for a positive test. Then, if it doesn't happen, we get the pleasure of "rinse and repeat."

But still, lets look at it this way... it's going to be a lot of fun trying.

Little updates

Yesterday I had a doctors appointment, to find out why I have horrible backache since my operation, which turned out to be a possible trapped nerve. So off to physio I go.
The doctor also told me that he'd recieved a letter from my specialist confirming that he's happy for us to go ahead. Doctor is now happy too, and gave me the usual "diet, smoking, drinking" lecture that I remember all too well from the DD pregnancy.

So far, as far as we know I'm not yet pregnant, so I don't know what the fuss is. But I have found that this pre-conception stuff is more stressful and tiring than I thought.
It's impossible to stop myself thinking about it, and even harder to stop myself wondering how long it will be before I'm pregnant. I know it's only been a week or so, and I don't know how women who try for a year or more cope.

Strangely, I've had moodswings from hell for the past 2 days. Happy and energetic one minute, moody the next, and a minute later I'm crying... it's driving me, and those around me, completely mad. Plus, if this is pre-conceptual moodswings (not pmt, we're 10 days past all that) then I'm dreading the actual pregnancy ones!!!

To top that off, I have a cold and felt wiped of energy all day today. I've fought to keep my eyes open, dragged my feet, and right now (4.40pm) I'm ready to go to bed.

Now where are my PJ's?

Movies for kids

With the summer holidays upon us, (ours start this weekend and run for 7 weeks!) my mind has turned to entertainment. Especially, with my past experience of early pregnancy and the morning sickness/tiredness that came with it. If we get pregnant as planned, I want to be prepared to entertain a 3 year old in simple ways, and distract her from running Mummy ragged.
Luckily for me, DD loves movies. Not that I'd condone 24 hour tv, but mid afternoon, when it's too hot to play in the garden if this heatwave does hit next month, I'd love to sit her down with a movie, and have a coffee break of my own.

So heres a quick list of movies I've found that are suitable for DD's little mind. All of these movies I've seen myself, and there doesn't seem to be anything unsuitable for a small child. They're all engaging, fun and interesting, which is perfect for holding her interest for an hour or so. Now all I need to do is choose my reading material and put my feet up.


1. Finding Nemo - DD loves this movie, in which a young clown fish gets taken by fishermen, and his dad swims the ocean to find him and bring him home.

2. Charlottes web - I remember reading this classic book as a child myself, and always felt endeared to the tale of a spider, who goes to great webby lengths to save a young pig.

3. ET (The extra terrestrial) - Classic alien movie, that's aimed at kids and shows a true friendship between alien and boy.

4. Labyrinth - Some say that this movie is too scary, but DD is addicted to it, and knows the full script! This musical tale tells the story of a teenage girl, who doesn't want to grow up. Her baby brother gets taken by the goblin king (David Bowie, tight pants, added bonus) and she faces a race against time, and puzzles to rescue him.

5. Enchanted - A fairytale girl finds her prince, but on her wedding day the evil queen sends her to the real world, where she waits for her prince to save her and share a "true love kiss."

6. High School Musical (1, 2 and 3) - We have all 3 of these movies on DVD and a whole afternoon can pass in a blur of music, teenagers and the repeated message of friendship and sticking together.

7. Mary Poppins - I'm sure everyone has at least heard of the classic story of the perfect nanny.

8. Ella Enchanted - This take on the fairytale cinderella, tells of Ella, a girl who was given a special gift at birth, the gift of obedience... and she can't shake it off. Regardless what she's told to do, she HAS to do it. She meets and falls for a prince, and has many adventures on her journey to find the fairy godmother who gave her the gift, and ask for it to be taken away.

9. Any Disney movie - You know the ones... Little Mermaid, Lion King, Beauty and the beast.... any of the classics will go down a treat.

10. Bolt - A new movie based around a dog, bolt, who is the star of a movie/series in which he has super powers. He gets lost, and has to learn that he's just a normal dog. All the while trying to get back to his owner.

11. Any Pixar movie - Same as Disney movies... animated films will guarrantee hours of piece and quiet!


This isn't a complete list. Only you know what your child will watch, and what you deem suitable. But please, add to this list in the comments below... lets get a nice sharing session going. What movies do your lil ones love?

How do you tell your toddler?

DD is 3 years old. She's sweet, girly and completely obsessed with weddings and babies. She loves pink, she loves doll's and she can't hold her excitement when she see's a pram with a newborn in.

She's one of the reasons we are trying to bring #2 into the world.

We decided not to tell her until I'm showing and she starts to ask, but on discussing this again with my mumsy, I realised something... I didn't show until 6.5 months with DD, and I've put weight on with my hyperthyroidism (before the op) that hasn't gone away yet. So whats to say I'll show much until late late on... meaning she'll miss the magic that comes with the pregnancy and a baby growing inside Mummy's tummy.

But just how do you explain pregnancy to a 3 year old without scaring the eebijeebs out of them?

Well, we discussed it... but Mumsy didn't have that worry as I was 5 when my brother was born, and my brother was 5 when lil brother was born, and things are a little easier even with just a years difference.
So on went the pc, and in went the keywords "telling a toddler about pregnancy."

We found these AMAZING video's that had DD completely engrossed (she watched them all 5 times over!).
Yet they explained it all, scientifically, but in a friendly, child safe way, from conception to labour... without the gross bits!

So I HAD to share them....

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/video/pregnancy/weeks-1-to-9-pregnancy/

The sidebar has all of the video's including all of the sections of pregnancy in small chunks, labour and birth, and how the male/female organs develop (we missed this one out for DD as she didn't really need to know the ins and outs of that.

Sidetracked post - Torchwood: Children of Earth (spoilers)

I've been a huge fan of Captain Jack and his Torchwood team since series one. So hearing a 5 part special, Children of Earth, was going to be shown on BBC this past week got me more than excited.

The series was shown over 5 days, in 1 hour episodes, and based around a single adventure (in the past, Torchwood episodes usually showed 1 story per week).
On day 1, every child on Earth stood still with blank expressions on their faces and simultaneously spoke the same words in English, "We are coming, Back!"
Through the week, we learnt that "We" were a species of Alien named the 456, who visited the planet once in 1965 and requested a "gift" of 12 children. It was eventually revealed that Captain Jack Harkness had been the person who delivered 12 orphaned children to the aliens.
The 456 returned and asked for another "gift". They want 10% of the children of Earth, and the government felt they had no choice but to comply, knowing that the 456 would wipe out the planet if refused.

Jack and Ianto are also a couple now, after series two. Also, fan's should remember that most of the Torchwood team died in the last series, leaving only Ianto, Jack and Gwen.
Gwen finds out that she's pregnant, but that takes a backburner during this series. Making only small references between her husband Rhys and herself. Rhys joins forces with Torchwood, along with a few other new faces, when the government call for Jack's assassination and Torchwood's destruction.

As the week continues, the government plan and begin collection of the 10%, calling them "Units" and deciding to target low performing schools in poor area's. They base the decision on the assumption that these are expendable children. Children who won't make much difference to the future of earth.
The gather these children, telling parent's that they're planning to innoculate against the various times the children have stopped and began speaking in unison, but being unsuccessful in stopping panic. Parent's keep children off school as insiders have leaked information.

Don't think Torchwood don't try... they make an attempt to stop the 456, refusing the offer to them in return for letting them leave peacefully. It is refused and Thames House, where the aliens have landed in a specially made box, is gassed.. killing Ianto.

It's useless, and watching children screaming and being rounded up by soldiers, is heartbreaking.
I sobbed, screamed and begged the screen, wanting it to just stop, as consideration for the innoculation lie was forgotten and force began to be used to collect the last few thousand children and take them to the final collection points, a series of Army bases where the collected children were stood in huge crowds ready to be taken. The public have no idea, unlike the government who find out minutes before they set the collection in motion, that the 456 don't "need" the children, but use them as a drug. They get a hit from the chemicals that the children give out.

I'm not going to say much more, but this isn't a series to miss for anyone, and I defy any parent to watch the whole 5 days and not say the same words I did.

"I would rather die than let my child go.... under ANY circumstances."
Watching some parents taking their children back to the school without a single explanation of whats been happening. Seeing headteachers assisting the army in rounding up children onto buses. Witnessing the army and other officials, along with our government, preparing these innocent, unaware children to be abducted by an alien race for ANY reason, especially to be used as drugs!

I really hope this is all sealed well and truly inside the "fiction" box and padlocked closed, because as a parent, I'd take on the 456 myself to save my child, and I am sure most parents would be with me on that.

Broody-be-gone

It's weird.
Before we got the coil removed and got a go ahead on the baby front, I quite possibly could have won an award for the most broody woman in my area, maybe even the world.
Even the word "baby" kick started the aching yearning for another child of my own. I'd see one little booty, and my mind would be on bundles of joy all day long.

Now, I see a baby and get a flutter of excitement in its place. It's butterfly inducing to think, that soon I'll have a precious little baby all of my own. A sister for DD and OH's other 2 girls (from a past relationship). It's so exciting, and its taking all of my might not to get carried away and start shopping and naming. Especially since I'm not even pregnant yet.

OH is getting excited too. He keeps making the odd comment about names, or "when #2 comes..." It's really endearing, because he doesn't get excited easily, or at least he doesn't show it.
We're still not mentioning anything to DD, because we feel she's too young to have the excitement and worry. Hopefully we can keep it quiet for as long as possible when I do finally get pregnant. There's no need to stress her, or overexcite her.

So now, its just a case of waiting.
I had the IUD (hormone free) coil, and started menstruating straight after the removal, so we need to wait until that stops and then we can do the fun part (insert blush).

Here's hoping our wait is a short one, the excitement is killing me.

Mummy, don't eat a baby!

Yesterday DD had a day off nursery for her teacher training day, so today was another Monday, or so it felt.
Waking up, both me and OH were smiling and cheerful knowing we'd soon be able to start the journey to conception, and DD seemed to pick up on this quickly. At 6am she was full of beans, incapable of sitting still and running rings around her Daddy, who was unsuccessfully trying to drink coffee and locate the things he needed for work.
So I sat DD down and asked her if her best friend would be at nursery today. Her mum was overdue and showing signs of going into labour last week, and I haven't seen her for a few days so we assumed that she'd had her +1.
"N's mummy had a baby in her tummy" I told DD whilst she picked at her breakfast. "and N may have a new baby brother now, maybe you can ask her when you get to school?"
DD looked at me confused, she's only 3 so this is all very alien to her. "In her tummy ?"
I smiled, "Yes sweetheart, when a baby is coming, Mummy's tummy gets really big, and when its really big its nearly time for the new baby to live with them." I told her, in a bad attempt to keep it very simple.

"Oh mummy, don't eat a baby!" the look of horror on DD's face was a picture. I wish I'd had a camera handy. It was a cross of fear and disgust, and had me in hysterics for a few moments.
"Sweetheart, I won't eat a baby... a baby starts like a seed in mummy's tummy and then it grows big into a baby." I tried to explain.
"Then you sick it up and baby lives with us." she informed me matter-of-factly and I didn't have the heart to correct her. Maybe when she's much older.

Early shower for the goalkeeper

I spent the evening sat in a lifeless waiting room at the local family planning clinic.
Yes, my appointment for coil removal was for Monday, but after thinking and discussing with OH, it emerged that I was a little too nervous to go alone.
I'm a wimp, and was determined that it would be painful. So OH took me to the dropin clinic this evening and after an hour of waiting, we were called through by a nurse.
Cue the game of 20 questions...

• Why do I want the coil removed?
• When was my last period?
• Have I taken my doctor's advice?
• Have I spoken to my specialist?
• Do I have other children?
• What was my last pregnancy like?
• Do I smoke? Drink?
• Am I taking Folic Acid?

The list went on and on, not seeming to stop for at least 20 minutes. Then the big question came... sex?
Well, OH blushed, I blushed... we mumbled a date, and got a lecture about how long those little tadpoles can survive and that we could end up pregnant straight away.
Well, that's what we want, so we just smiled, blushed and nodded until the nurse sent us back to the waiting room to wait for a doctor.

The doctor herself was quite friendly. She advised about folic acid again, and about smoking and my weight.
Yes, I am carrying a couple... well a lot of extra pounds hehe. But I explained this is weight from prior to my TT, and she smiled in understanding before asking me to strip my bottom half and lay on the bed.
The procedure was simple, and painless. Surprisingly, I didn't even feel the coil come out... but she held it up for me to see, and I actually said "Bye" to it and flashed a smile at OH....

The goal is wide open... nothing's in the way...

It's time!

The best laid plans...

Yesterdays news is still running through my head like a cd stuck on repeat. We can go ahead and get pregnant, and we've both decided not to waste any time in getting ready to try.

So today I almost skipped into my doctors surgery and spoke to the receptionist, collected a prescription for more Levothyroxine (would you believe its been nearly a month?) and then explained what my specialist had told me.
Smiling she booked me in to have my contraceptive coil removed, and ordered a prescription for Folic Acid, the pregnancy vitamin every woman should take when they start trying to conceive or find out that they are pregnant.
It may seem like "just another pill" but this tablet is a one a day vitamin which, if taken from the earliest time possible and up until around the 2nd trimester, supports and helps the baby to develop. It's important for the spine and a few other things.

So I start my folic acid on Thursday and my coil gets removed on Monday! Then, when we are ready, we remove any other choice contraception and ... well lets just say... its playtime (insert blush here).

All in all, both of us are very very excited, and we aren't even pregnant yet! But we've chosen not to tell DD until, not only am I pregnant, but I am showing enough for her to notice, or she mentions it. That way, if there are any problems, she's not let down.

Anyway, 9 months is a long time to a child, so if it means the pregnancy only lasts 3 months or so to her, I'll do it.

We've started discussing pregnancy plans too, like time off work for OH. It's not our first, so we don't really see much point in him coming to every appointment and scan. So he's only coming to the important stuff.
We've also opted to keep things as simple as possible. No un-needed tests, plenty of rest for me and the most important thing... LOVE.

Hello, this is your specialist calling...

Cleaning the house is never fun when you're trying to juggle a cat, a 3 year old and a OH who thinks its funny to stand in the window laughing as you run outside to save your clean washing from a torrential downpour.
And its especially not funny when the phone won't stop ringing everytime you get moving on an important task like folding said soaking wet washing.
So I mustn't have sounded very pleasant when the incessant ringing noise started up again and I snapped down the phone "HELLO?!" and half expected the usual drone of telesales agents offering me even more cheap glass.
"Hello there, could I speak to Hypo-mum?" (ok he used my real name, but lets stick with what you know haha).
"Speaking" I huffed, eyeing the pile of clothes that would crease if they sat there much longer.
"Oh, hello, Mr Specialist calling," he continued, "I have received a message from my secretary regarding your TT and you wishing to get pregnant again."

My heart started working overtime and my mood lightened instantly. I had forgotten that I'd asked for a callback, and half didn't expect him to call.
"Hi... yes... " I mumbled "But we're worried about the risks."
He sighed and explained that the risks are very rare. In fact there's more risk to the TT than there is for me to get pregnant as I don't have a thyroid.
It would be different if I was Hypo and still had a thyroid, or if I'd had Radio-Iodine treatment.
Those who have had Radio-Iodine should wait 4-6 months, to give the radiation chance to completely clear.
"In my opinion I'm happy to advise you go ahead, have fun, good luck and I'll see you pregnant in September!" he laughed.

My doctor had got it wrong. The risks are low.
Ok they're slightly higher that those of a normal pregnancy, but nothing to really worry about.
So in the words of Buzz Lightyear (well almost) ......

TO CONCEPTION... AND BEYOOOOOND!

U-Turns

Time is ticking so slowly towards the blood test that will decide how soon we can try for #2 and some people around aren't helping much. Yet I know, in their way, they want whats best.

We had a visitor yesterday. A family member, who decided that her thoughts were that I'd be better going back to work than having another baby.
She told us her friend who'd had a TT lived a normal life until she had a heart attack at 50, which was, apparantly, down to the TT. I can't find any scientific or medical research to back up this happening, but I do know the woman in question went back to work just a few days after her operation and worked long hours... can we say "stress related"?

Obviously, OH got worried, and now he's made a complete U-Turn on the baby thing, deciding maybe its a bad idea, and that my health is at risk.

Now, I understand the dangers, and I know I need to wait for the specialists to give the whole thing a thumbs up. I am willing to do that. But its rather disconcerting that OH can change his mind so quickly based upon what other people say.

Every risk that I have learnt of so far, are rare. The majority of risks are based upon "untreated or uncontrolled" hypothyroidism. So, it says to me that the pro's outweigh the cons if I let the doctors take a little of the control and I follow their instructions.

Maybe getting out a little more will help me, but personally I don't think working is the answer.
I already have a house to run, a child to care for and a ton of other responsibilities. Why add the stress of a full-time job. Especially in this financial climate, where getting an interview is a full time job in itself?

Our local University runs some interesting courses around psychology and sciences, which have always been an interest of mine. So I'm going to sign up for one next week, starting in October.
That'll get me out of the house to meet new people, give me a new focus, and help towards a degree. Which may not instantly guarrantee me a job, but it has to help some doesn't it?

Checkpoint

When I opened my Levothyroxine box this morning I was surprised to realise I only have 10 left. I should have a couple less than that, but I did miss 2 earlier in the month.

So I called in for a repeat prescription and decided to book in a blood test too, since its been a month almost.
I just thought it a good idea to get a test done and see the results now, rather than get one done in August for the specialist appointment in September.
Not to rush things, but I'd like to know a little about whats happening at this time instead of in another 2 months. There's little point in continuing on the wrong dose of Thyroxine is there?

So, its another HOT day, yet I'm feeling great. No, not great.... FANTASTIC!
I've got through more laundry, done the shopping and continued on my cleaning streak by tackling the wash baskets and dusting a little more.
We're forecast some rain in the next few days, so I've decided to iron then, and leave the windows until afterwards.

I've never been so focused or determined when it comes to cleaning. In fact, I've never liked it at all, but now... I can't stop myself from tidying a little here and there. It's burning off excess energy and making me feel so happy in myself. I feel so "up" that its even making the cat like me... the cheeky thing won't stay off my knee.

I've cut down on caffeine with the heat, and drank water instead, along with orange juice ice lollys that DD made with me. She's getting so cute, and loves to spend time making buns and things.
At nursery today they made carrot cakes, and she's now decided we need to make them at home, so thats a fun project for us. Anyone know any good recipes?

I took stock today of how lucky I am to have a OH that adores his family, and a little girl who is so loveable and loving that I never stop wanting hugs from her. It's a happy time for us, and I'm glad we have to wait a little for #2. It means we can enjoy what we have now for a little longer.
Not that its going to be less happy when #2 arrives. I think it'll be even happier, but we'll never get this particular moment back, so I'm going to make the very most of each day whilst it lasts.

Also, I've spent a week now swapping chocolate for salad (not dieting, just making... erm... healthier choices.) Last week I weighed 14stone 5 (201 lb) ... this week... 14stone7 (203lb). So I'm guessing since I have barely eaten a bit of junk, that I'm not doing it right hahaha, so its time to turn on the yoga dvd's I guess.

My target this next week is to lose the 3lb. I'm gonna do that by eating a little less bread and pastry. Not cutting them out... no way... but I'll have wraps instead of sandwiches and similar... any tips?

I know it could be a problem with the thyroxine that I've put on 2lb... and it could also be that its almost my "me time", or even just the heat... but I'm going to try. Nobody said it'd be easy and I feel healthier, which is what matters in the end.

The waiting game

Like most of the UK, I've spent the last couple of days wanting to be out in the open air.
We've had record temperatures, blue skies and not to mention "instatan" sunshine.
But, because I know my body won't like me if I get it too hot, I've been more in and out the door repeatedly than sat outside.
Which, to be honest, may be a good thing because I'm starting to get bored of the waiting.


I look at the calendar and see my specialist appointment is only 2 months away, but that seems like a lifetime.
It's annoying to think, at 24 years old, that I have to wait for a doctor to "allow" me another baby. Especially when everyone seems to be pregnant around me. Yet at the same time I know that its the safest bet, and I'm trying to use the extra time to my advantage.
I've spent a lot of time playing with DD, trying to keep her out of the sun as much as I can. I've also been spending time reading, writing and doing more research into the thyroid during pregnancy. Knowledge is power, I hope.
I'll post my findings here when I've made sense of the jumbled mess of notes I've made.


OH seems to be doing the man thing and just shrugging when I mention things, which is kind of annoying at times. Especially when I'm in planning mode.
I feel as though I'm ahead of myself but I've already got a short shopping list together and I'm starting a "bottom drawer" of the smaller things like babygro's and vests. Alongside bottles and other incidentals that I can pick up as I shop normally.
My theory is, since I need to concentrate on my body and looking after me and the precious cargo, that getting some of the shopping and stresses dealt with now won't hurt.

It's not just the shopping either.
I've started a major sort out in the house, and really got myself into a routine for cleaning the place. I've sorted the garden (or rather had it sorted) and I've even set the ball rolling on another little project.

I'M QUITTING THE CIGARETTES!

Yup, you read right.

I've spoken to a "stop smoking" clinic, who are referring me to their "smoke free families" team. So I need to wait for them to call.... more waiting hmmph.

But still, quitting is good no matter when I do it, as long as I do.


So its wait wait wait at the moment. But to be honest. As upsetting as it gets, it could be worse.
A lot of people are pregnant around me, and some are due any day. I look at them, longing for my turn and wishing that bump was mine. Then they sigh and waddle off into the sunshine, looking every bit uncomfortable and I realise... The waiting game isn't so bad. At least I get extra warmth in winter when I need it more.

Misunderstood

Just a short post today. I've not had much chance to get on with the research due to the excessively hot weather we had and will continue to get here in the UK this week.

Prior to my TT, I couldn't stand even a little heat. I got too warm and tired too quickly.
Now, however, its easier to deal with. I have trouble with really hot weather like today but who doesn't. Yet, I managed to get the back door open and got 4 washes of clothes dried! Fantastic when I usually have to deal with a clothes airer and a dryer.

OH and I decided today to keep news about us trying for another baby to very close family and friends for now, until we know a little more ourselves. Because we've realised how quickly people can misunderstand.

For example, my best friend, who doesn't live near us now, called today. So I went ahead and explained we are planning on trying, but need to wait.
"That's stupid, just go for it." She laughed when I said we were waiting on the specialist. "It's not like you to listen to doctors."

She's right, usually I don't. I'm known for forgetting pills, and getting bored of their advice, but this time its in mine and the baby's best interests. So I explained a little more about the reasons why we have to wait. Her answer?
"Well, get pregnant, and THEN see the specialist."
Seems we're hitting a brick wall with that one.

I also managed to tell my biological father and his partner today. The reaction was a little more sedate if you discount the one thing I've been dreading hearing.
"Well, remember twins run in both families!"

I'm pretty sure when OH said he's happy for us to have ONE more baby, he didn't consider that one!

Welcome, this is where it begins

Welcome to HypoBaby. This blog aims to chronical the journey from 2.5 weeks post Total Thyroidectomy to birth.

Right now, we're still preconception, but I just know this is going to be a journey and a half, therefore I wanted to share. Especially since I have noticed the complete lack of straight forward, jargonless and accessible information about Hypothyroid mothers and pregnancy.

So, here we go...hold on tight.

Background Story

I had a Total Thyroidectomy (TT) on the 10th June 2009 after almost 2 years of being Hyperthyroid (Overactive).
The operation was simple, and relatively painless. In fact, with the exception of the drain and clips being removed the day after, I've barely felt a thing.
Instead, I've been healthier and more full of energy than in a long time, which is giving those who know me, countless hours of fun.
Suddenly, this lazy, sleepy and constantly ill woman, is bounding with energy, awake early and constantly wanting to be on the go.

My Daughter (DD) is loving it too. She's three years old, and astounded that suddenly Mummy has the energy to play and run around.
The operation was definately the right way to go.

I recovered so quickly, that within 2 weeks my partner (OH) and I turned our conversations to bringing a sibling into the world for DD.
I'd always wanted 2 children, close enough together for them to have things in common.
OH, on the otherhand, wasn't sold straight away, and many conversations ensued, until we finally agreed to go ahead, and to do it as soon as we could.

So I called my GP to make an appointment as I wasn't sure if the TT would make a difference.

Oh Hell Yes!


On arrival at my appointment, I found that I would be seeing a new doctor. Which wasn't the best news, but I reasoned, any doctor is better than none and went ahead with my question.
"I underwent a TT recently and now, OH and I would like to try for another baby. In your opinion, how soon would it be safe?"

The doctor looked at me as though I was crazy and launched into a speech about it being risky, and that we should reconsider.
Then he changed tack, telling me that conceiving now, before we're sure my medication is correct, could be risky to both myself and the baby. Now, around 2 minutes after being told to reconsider he says.
"Wait 6 months. When do you see your specialist?"
"1st September" I told him.
"Ok, we need to take bloods in 6 weeks, then see what your specialist says."

The mind boggles!
I mean, if he had no idea, why not just say so.
I walked out of the surgery more confused than when I walked in.
How risky is it? What are the ACTUAL risks? How long should I wait?
I had not one single answer.

So I went home, and out came the internet and heres the first thing I learned.

Hypothyroidism can affect pregnancy in several ways:

• It can cause infertility in women because it can prevent the production of eggs.
• A pregnant woman with hypothyroidism is at higher risk for miscarriage.
• Women with untreated hypothyroidism near the time of delivery are in danger of developing high blood pressure and premature delivery.
• Babies born to women with untreated hypothyroidism may not achieve their full intellectual potential.

(Source - http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/hypothyroidism/HYO_pregnancy.html)

Panic stations... infertility? miscarriage? not achieving intellectual potential?
By now, I was in tears.
Why hadn't anyone told me this pre-op?

Digging deeper I learnt other risks included stillbirth, severe illness to the mother and even possible death due to strain on the body during pregnancy.

What I didn't find until I'd read over 50 websites and driven myself into a complete tizzy was ...

THESE ARE ALL RISKS DURING PREGNANCY IF THE HYPOTHYROIDISM IS UNTREATED!

Yup, if the T4 and TSH levels and all the other stuff isn't controlled, THEN theres a lot of risk.
Not that I'll get it easy even if it is controlled.

There are still risks but, from where I am right now and the amount that I have read, there are 100 times less risks if the thyroxine level, which is the hormones that shifts the little numbers around after a bloodtest and determine how well I feel, is kept well controlled.

SO, Where am I at this time???

Well, we're going ahead and trying for number 2. But we're gonna do this by the book.
Firstly, I'm going to continue reading and learning about thyroid and pregnancy. Plus I'm going to consult my specialist, who, I am assured by his secretary when I called to attempt to pull my appointment forward, has had hundreds of post TT patients who have gone on to have healthy babies from relatively trouble free pregnancies.

What am I prepared for so far?

Extra tests prior to conception and during. - Gotta get those pesky levels exactly right.
Appointments galore - I have my diary, and its gonna get used. Appointments for checkups etc prior and throughout the pregnancy.
Medicine checks and changes throughout - If the level isn't right, its gotta be shaken up.
A pregnancy thats around about as normal as a blue apple - I know, from what information I have so far, that I cannot and will not have a completely normal gestation. It's not possible.

What do I know so far?
For the first trimester (3 months) of the pregnancy, baby uses mummy's thyroid. After that baby will have developed its own and will use its own hormones to do the rest. Therefore, since I don't have a thyroid, I need to use Levothyroxine daily to replace the missing hormones that the body gets through normal thyroid function.
This tablet is a synthetic thyroid hormone that I will have to take for the rest of my life to keep my body ticking over nicely.
Add a baby into the mix, who will be pinching bits of the synthetic stuff, and we have a problem... therefore, the dose may need increasing and decreasing during the pregnancy. Whereas, in a mother who has a working throid, it will produce more naturally if needed.

There may be the need for a change in diet as the Thyroid helps to control Iodine and sometimes sugar levels in the blood. Sugar is rarer but Iodine levels may need controlling as Iodine is needed to help the fetus develop, but too much of a good thing can be dangerous.

I also found a brilliant page, that gives some great first hand, no jargon answers to some questions.

check it out here.


So... onwards and upwards.
I'll be updating this page as often as possible with plain English information on the thyroid and pregnancy including some about Hyperthyroid.
I'll also be adding personal accounts throughout preconception and pregnancy including details about appointments and what the doctors say and do so you get first hand information.

My hopes for the blog/journal - To give women, and of course men, the information I couldn't find easily... in readable format. I want to give some hope and if I manage to stop one person from reading the horror stories first like I did... then I've accomplished what I need.

I hope you bookmark or subscribe and follow this journey with me.
Feel free to comment and add your own experiences, and lets make this a blog full of useful, useable and friendly information.